You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
