**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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