You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
