he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
