Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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