FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
