I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
