evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize