And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
