I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
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so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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