I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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