and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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