my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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