Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
