Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
