my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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