i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
