You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
