i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
