Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
