And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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