yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
