Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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