we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
