I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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