he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
