Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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