I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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