im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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