I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
