Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
