i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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