a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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