My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
