I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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