Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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