You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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