see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
