**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
