I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
