I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
