After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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