i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
