im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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