Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
