i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
