Porn is love you can see.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
