um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
