hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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