Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
