He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
