Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
