pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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