i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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