it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
