your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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