I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
