I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
