I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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