it wasn't lemon gatorade
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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