I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
