Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize