After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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