yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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