I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
