my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
